you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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