Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
