i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
