Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
