I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
MIDGETS
????
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
