Please, let me fuck your mom
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
