She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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