i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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