I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
