I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
