I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
