ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
