I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
