So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
