I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
How's work?
Spinning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
