i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
