Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
