i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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