wat bout pragnant strippers??
Me. At least after what I've been through.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
