my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
