I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
