I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
