Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
4 words: hood of his car
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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