He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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