sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
