Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
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