how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
