and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
