hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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