were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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