1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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