Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
