i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
