i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
