Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
