meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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