What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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