I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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