He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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