Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
