Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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