I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We don't watch enough power rangers
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
