3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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