just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
