obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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