I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
