Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
