This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
