you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
