Can Purell be used as lube?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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