I wish I could teleport
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
