I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
