The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
two words...techno handjob
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
