if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
